Bigfoot Found

Bigfoot found, claim intrepid researchers. The famous "Bigfoot" of persistent folklore has been found and will be revealed to the world, according to a press release. In order to heighten the tension, the men responsible for the press release are holding a press conference on August 15th. On that they claim they'll reveal the remains of "Bigfoot."

According to the press release:

• The creature is seven feet seven inches tall.
• It weighs over five hundred pounds.
• The creature looks like it is part human and part ape-like.
• It is male.
• It has reddish hair and blackish-grey eyes.
• It has two arms and two legs, and five fingers on each hand and five toes on each foot.
• The feet are flat and similar to human feet.
• Its footprint is sixteen and three-quarters inches long and five and three-quarters inches wide at the heel.
• From the palm of the hand to the tip of the middle finger, its hands are eleven and three-quarters inches long and six and one-quarter inches wide.
• The creatures walk upright. (Several of them were sighted on the same day that the body was found.)
• The teeth are more human-like than ape-like.
• DNA tests are currently being done and the current DNA and photo evidence will be presented at the press conference on Friday, August 15th.

The discovery has been made by Searching for Bigfoot, Inc.. On their rather dubious website you can see their evidence. It looks like Friday will be the day for them to unveil everything they've learned about the mysterious Yeti or Sasquatch.

First the Montauk Monster, and now this!