New Ohio cryptid is cuddlier than Chupacabra, bolder than Bigfoot, and more magnificent than the Montauk Monster.
Sure, the big cryptid named Bigfoot has been getting more than his fair share of attention this week, but there's a new cryptid out there that's capturing the attention of a multitude of people. The animal, named for a strong case of flatulence, is simply being called "Bigfart." Since we've been writing about Bigfoot so much this week, a number of people have come forward to talk about this new creature, who in a sense, is terrifying many people in the town of Green Springs, Ohio.
Green Springs, Ohio is a small town, known basically for its' natural sulfur springs, which emit an unpleasant odor of their own. People in this small town know stink when they smell it. But even they've never smelled anything like the odor emitted by Bigfart.
Sightings of the mysterious creature have increased in the last three months, indicating Bigfart is becoming more accustomed to humans. Unlike other cryptids, Bigfart is a loner. In July and August of 2008, there were 11 sightings that all took place near a nearby campground on the outskirts of town. Since many of the witnesses turned out be "under the influence" of either drugs or alcohol, local police have seemingly turned a blind eye to the phenomena.
We spoke to Josh, a 29 year old unemployed father of five, who told us that whether the authorities believe it or not, Bigfart is as real as the summer heat to he and his friends. Josh even captured this amazing picture of Bigfart.
Sure, the photo's a bit grainy like so many other cryptid pictures, but Josh says there's a damn good reason for that. Bigfart hit him with his legendary stench just as Josh took his picture with his cell phone. If you look closely at the snap, you'll see Bigfart does have a guilty look on his face, as if he'd just "cut the proverbial cheese."
The cheese that Bigfart cuts is one of a kind, according to Josh. You do not want to be anywhere in the area when Bigfart lets loose. In fact, Josh believes that Bigfart is a friendly creature, who only suffers from flatulence when he's frightened by those unknown to him. In other words, his "Big Fart" is merely a defensive mechanism not unlike that possesed by a skunk.
"Only it's 10,000 times worse than a skunk smell," explained Josh. "When I took my famous pic of Bigfart, I literally passed out and had to be revived with smelling salts after his odiferous attack."
Several others we spoke to had similar experiences. They saw a strange animal, that looked much like a baboon, only with a larger head. He emitted a loud sound, followed by a strong odor, and then ran off into the distance.
Charles Parker, 43, a salesman in Green Springs, thinks the people seeing Bigfart either have too much time on their hands, or are making up the story out of boredom.
"They're stoners," he said disdainfully. "It's 4:20 for them all day long if you catch my drift. If they did see anything it is probably someone's pet monkey which escaped or they got bored feeding it and let it loose in the woods."
When asked what would make people make up a story about the animal's scent, Parker paused for a bit.
"The monkey has probably been drinking water from the sulphur springs. When he farts, his emanations are much stronger than that of a normal monkey."
Josh isn't convinced it's a monkey.
"No it is not a monkey or even a baboon. It's something completely different," said Josh. "One of these days I'm gonna bag Bigfart and hold a press conference with the results of my science. That will shut up the naysayers."
For an unemployed father with five mouths to feed, such a find could indeed be a lifesaver.
Read all five articles in this series:
- Bigfoot In Freezer Is My Pet Chuck Claims Georgia Man
- Bigfoot Underground Railroad - The Secret Society Of Heroes Who Hide Bigfoot
- Bigfoot Trophy Hunting - The Sport Of Billionaires
- Bigfoot Found But Labeled Hoax - It's No Surprise To Many
- Forget Bigfoot - Have You Heard The Legend Of Bigfart?
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